One thing I can never write? Titles :)

It's funny. Growing up, I've always wanted to be a writer. When I was six years old, the answer to the "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question, was always, always writer.  I'm not sure what changed.  Maybe the realism that it might not pay my bills?  Maybe the fear that I was never good enough to write? I have been going on and off with this blog since I graduated college in 2009, but I haven't been able to keep up with it.  I think the main reason is because my blog was heavily focused on my relationships with the men I was with. My husband, my ex-boyfriend, etc.  It was never fully about my relationship with myself.  I currently have a boyfriend, and he is amazing, but this blog will not be focused on him. He is great and some stories might include him, but the point of this blog is to get back on track with my writing.

I've been in and out of the hospital for a couple of weeks. The doctor's aren't quite sure what's wrong with me and I have a difficult time explaining what the problem is, but it's complicated.  The majority of which is neurological and the simplest tasks are becoming a lot more difficult for me to complete or understand, but I know that something is off and I cannot wait to get answers and figure out what is wrong.  All I know is that I'm in Boston, which is the best city to get these answers. What I also know is that I REFUSE to give up.  This is another reason that I want to get back to blogging because I want to be happy, no matter how sick or frustrated I am, writing makes me happy.

Notably, while I've been missing from the blog world, I have missed the relationships that I have made over the years with other bloggers and am looking forward to hopefully gaining those back. I know this first post is a little all over the place, but pain medication tends to make focusing a little difficult. I've been working on a couple of stories, some of which will be short stories that I'm going to post and another is a novel that I've been working on, which I might post for some occasional feedback.

The way the keyboard feels under my fingers as I write this feels refreshing, but it feels right. I cannot wait to continue writing and even if I lost all my followers, I will write for me and will not write for numbers or to gain followers. I will write to be happy and I will write what I want, not what is popular in the blogging world at the time.  I most likely will not be joining in on the majority of the weekly memes, but that's not to say I never will.  This blog is for me. I am finally becoming the Captain of my own god damn ship.