"I remember when, I remember when I lost my mind..."

One of my best friend's sent this to me via text last night, so I'm not sure where to give the credit to, but I'm sure google would help you out.

Until recently, the worst thing to call me was stupid. As a blonde, growing up, people always made blonde jokes and they made me so angry. I felt the constant need to prove people wrong and constantly wore shirts like "Blonde is the New Smart". However, as an adult, I struggle with the term crazy. I am mentally ill, yes. It's a stigma now, isn't it. I've been very open about my anxiety and so it's no surprise that it has made me feel "crazy", but I also have been struggling with depression. They are both hard topics to write about, so I've been avoiding them because with anxiety and depression comes judgment, and we all know how I feel about that. I had a nervous breakdown a few months ago and have been coming to terms with myself since then. I am learning new ways to calm myself down and ways to prevent panic attacks from happening.  I was drinking a lot and found myself in situations that I wouldn't normally be in.

However, I have this ex-boyfriend that would LOVE to call me crazy. It was like a button word for him. Everything that came out of my mouth that was emotional at all, he responded with "you're crazy" and would later apologize and say it was just a word he used and he didn't really think I was crazy. Why is it that men think because women are emotional we are automatically using our "crazy"? Why can't they see that it isn't us who are crazy, but the environment at the time, our surroundings, that are making us act in a certain emotional context. It's hard to figure out a right balance between what others say about you and how you see yourself.  Especially when you have to redevelop your whole character. I struggle daily with how I view myself because I get unrequested feedback from family, friends and complete strangers. I begin to puzzle together what they say and picture myself that way, and that's not fair. I want to be my own person again. I want to be an author, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend.  Other than that? I don't really care if I make a lot of money or not. I just want to be happy and not have to worry about people calling me crazy just because they don't understand me.

Be yourself. Don't let anyone tell you who you are. Live life happy.